My partner and I are going to be away from each other for two years, roughly, as she has another position by which, she will come and go to Delhi, perhaps every once in a while. This is the first time in our nine years of being together that we will be apart from each other for such a long time.

Being in a relationship and yet being alone and away from the partner brings with it its own share of blessings and anxieties.

But last night when over the phone she told me about the long dream she had about me, I was a bit flabbergasted. Apparently, she dreamt I was pregnant with twins and although she was supposed to fly out to Boston she dropped the trip, because she was overwhelmed with feelings of maternity, as if she was my mother!

I agree, relationships take on different meanings as we go along, but she as my mother and I as a mother-to-be, both made be burst out laughing!

As far back as I can remember, I never wanted to become a mother. I had other plans for myself and I went ahead with those. Some were successful. Some failed. But my need to nurture as a human being got fulfilled. I am blessed with the gift of people, animals, plants and projects, business in the past that kept me nourished fully with the challenge of loving, nurturing and seeing them grow. 

So then, what is the meaning of this dream? What has caused it to happen? Is it something she wants between us? Does she want us to have babies just like everyone does? I know of same sex partners who have adopted one or two children and are bringing them up quite nicely. But us? Did we plan for such a route? Besides, I don’t like the idea of such an age difference between parent and child that one can easily say, the relationship is one of child with grandmother, not mother!

So I thought, I must apply my mind and look at the dream and its interpretation in a different light. And this is what I came to conclude:

The dream is about her fear that I may now slip into my other side, the side that loves men too. To me loving a man certainly does not imply, moon gazing. The recipe is pretty clear without any ifs and buts and while I enjoy men, sometimes more than women, I am not about to become a victim of social conditioning, motherhood, I mean. Besides men are better pals. All my sob stories rest on strong shoulders and hearts of my male friends and brothers. I think they can really keep a secret and are good listeners. Really good buddies So I put the cause of this dream down to anxiety  from her end. Perfectly normal, I should think.

The question of the two twins, however remains unresolved. Who are these children, I am going to give birth to?

For a long time, I have wanted to take a quantum leap in my relationship with partner, a leap that will transform and enrich our relationship further. Take us from the drudgery of a banal foundation of the mundane relationship, based on love, sex and thereafter…. To one of spiritual companionship, sisters walking the path of higher life. And to me in this respect, the dream became very significant and meaningful. Those two twins I see as my partner and me, look alike, but not quite, and yet, nourished by one umbilical cord, that being this time, a life of spiritual togetherness.And this certainly requires primarily, growing in spirit, first individually and then together.

I see myself pregnant with this reality. I see myself giving birth to these twins. These twins who combine our lives together over the years with many ups and downs but a connection so deep, it can only transmute to another level of relating to each other.

 Therefore, may I become the mother of two daughters!