“Wash the clothes only on alternate days. Too much washing powder is wasted if you do it everyday”

“Why is the maid in the house the whole day? If she is here only for three hours, we can cut her salary to a quarter”.

“No need to go to the market everyday. Vegetables are very expensive these days.”

That did it!

Meena, jumped at her husband. “What is the matter with you? Just because the vegetables are expensive, are we to stop eating?

“I did not say that. I only said, we can now eat less. It is good for our health too”.

“Why don’t you say, we should now live on air?” Meena retorted

The condition in the household had become critical ever since her husband, Sawant, retired in March this year. Having fallen into a depression for a few days, he now had slipped out of it, only to engage himself in a job that was driving the whole house crazy. Day in day out, he made himself busy watching who was coming into the house, how much time they were spending in the house, what was being cooked, how much was being cooked, was Shanta the maid pouring too many spoons of detergent into the washing machine? Why was the TV on for many hours of the day? The electricity bill would go up that way. Why was Meena telephoning people? Let others call. Etc, etc….In short, ever since his retirement, Sawant had found a new employment for himself. Interfering in all female matters, as Meena put it, disgustingly.

“Why don’t you go out of the house and visit friends? she had suggested.

“Oh, so you want me out of the house, even before I have rested for a few months after working for so many years?”

Meena sighed. It was pointless. When she had urged her husband, to take on another job, straight after his retirement, he said he wanted to rest a bit before going out. But as the days approached for the retirement date, Sawant had become increasingly disturbed about and began to show signs of distress. But it was too late. Had he begun his efforts six months ago, he would have had a job on hand. But alas!

Shanta, the maid, had threatened to leave. Meena felt desperate. What would happen if Shanta left?! Meena, pleaded with her husband –

“I run the house. I have always done that. Please let it be so.”

“But, who will pay for the waste? I am now retired. I cannot afford to pay for excesses”.

The household had run in exactly the same manner for the last so many years. Sawant received a pension that was enough to keep them comfortable. Besides, his Provident Fund and Gratuity amounts had been wisely invested along with other savings. There was really no need for Sawant to go into panic after retirement at all.

However! 

Meena  felt exhaustioned. Dealing with a man, sitting idle in the house and interfering in everything was not what she was used to. She longed for the days when Sawant left for work at 8am and returned at 7pm. They were peaceful.

But now! She felt harassed. Headaches were common. Her neighbour, Mrs Tanvir, who had suffered from similar headaches, advised Meena to take a good head message from her malishwalli. She swore by her. Besides her rates were reasonable.  Rs 150 for a head message, Rs 500 for a full body message. Meena decided to try it out.

“Rs 500!”  Sawant had screamed, almost bringing the walls down. “Rs 500  for a body 
meggage!  Why can’t she do it for less. Rs 100 is okay, not a pai more!”

The argument that ensued between the couple lasted two days! But finally came to an end when Sawant suggested to make a compromise –

“At Rs 500, she will have to give a double message”,  he announced.

“What do you mean?”  Meena questioned.

“She will have to give both of us a message!  Half you and half me!”

Meena could not believe her ears! “But her chareges are Rs 500 for one and even if she accepts to do both, which half of mine will she do?  And, which half of yours?”

“She can do my torso. And your hips and legs”  Sawant pronounced.

“But I have a headache  and I need her to work on my torso!”

“Then let her do my hips and legs”! 

“That is not acceptable!  She will not accept it. Neither will I”.

“But I am retired now and not a young lad….”

“But she is a woman.  She won’t message your hips and legs!” 

“She would, if you did not make such a fuss!”

In retaliation, Meena had sent Sawant,  fiery sparks from her eyes. 

And thus, the message lay frozen between the couple.

On Sunday, the appointed day, the malishwalli, unaware of the goings on in the household appeared.  Meena took her into the guest room and laying a mat on the floor, lay herself down on her back. Just as the malishwalli was about to start off, Sawant appeared at the door and pulling up another mat lay himself besides his wife. The malishwalli was flabbergasted. 

“Nothing to worry”, Sawant consoled, addressing the shocked malishwalli. “Very simple solution. For Rs 500, message her left leg, and my right one. Her left arm and my right one. Her back and my chest….the backside of her hips and the front of my…..”

“No need! No need!”, screamed the malishwalli, fleeing from the house in a hurry. “Kanjoosh! Makkhi choosh!  Two for the price of one?  Am I retired to ask for such a bad deal?"