On Saturday, 17th April, at 2.30 in the afternoon, two miscreants knocked at the door. The elderly couple, one aged 83 years and the other, 75, unwittingly open the door. In Hoshangabad, Madhya Pradesh, where this incident took place, it is hot. Everyone has their doors and windows closed at that hour to keep away the heat.
The miscreants force themselves inside and at the point of knives, looted the couple of their ornaments and cash and then fled, all within 15 minutes.
The aged couple are my partner’s parents. They have been living in Hoshangabad, close to their son, for the last ten years. On Saturday, when the incident happened, Murli, their son, with his wife and two children, were in Jaipur on a Summer Holiday with their children who have come home from Rishi Valley.
When the incident was happening, Amma, Appa, fluctuated between, calling out for help at one time and submitting to the goons on the other. As a natural reflex, they cried out “Gurudev, Gurudev” when no one appeared. They were left unharmed physically, but mentally, the trauma and the shock thereof is only setting in. Amma is unable to get out of bed for long periods of time, Appa however is stronger. Two of their children, their elder daughter and their son are now with them.
But, is it the end of the hell or the beginning of tough thinking to do?
In a fast, globalized India, where we are constantly on the run, can we faithfully hold on to old family values of keeping our parents with us or close to us, in order that we may be able to look after their needs? And in order that they can feel happy being close to their children in the twilight years of their lives. Case after case is coming forth where it indicates otherwise. Senior citizens are not safe, even when they are close to their children, living with them, or close to them. They are helpless to protect themselves in the event of any mishap. Many of them, have poor eye sight, and are ill, suffering from one chronic disorder or the other. They are physically weak and emotionally dependent on their children. Many of them even financially dependent.
At cultural crossroads, Indians are faced with many dilemmas and have to make many shifts in the way they have been thinking. The old is giving way to the new or otherwise, we are being forced to think differently.
My Amma, Appa, are happy to sit by the Narmada, doing their japam and leading a life of sincere spiruitual pursuits. But, the serenity is not so calm any more. Nor will it ever be. Traumas of this nature do not leave our psyche so easily, especially if we are in the vulnerable age, either, too young or are senior citizens.
What is the answer? Is Home for Senior Citizens the safest place to be or put our parents in? Or do we have to rethink our lives to accommodate the old age needs of our parents, just like perhaps our mothers did, when we were young, put away a career, to be at home to look after us? Is there a way, which marries, western solutions for senior citizens with Indian values? If so what can it be?
How can we make the lives of the aged in India, safe for the rest of their living days?
Dear Anjala, Gopalkrishnan, YoungGistan, Rama Rao Garimella, Aditi Ray, Ranjini Sharma and Sue Menon, here is the link to the published article in Dignity Dialogue a magazine for Senior Citizens in India: http://www.dignityfoundation.com/dialogue.php in which your valued comments have been published. Please go through this link to the pdf file to read your comment contributions. Thanks you so much for your valuable participation.
Link to the pdf file:
http://mail.google.com/mail/?ui=1&realattid=f_fhed20yb&attid=0.1&disp=vah&view=att&th=11a80828ad1a4784
Should any of you want the pdf file, do send me an email at: xebecbooks@gmail.com
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Indu,
Amma appa being devout believers have begun to cope in their own way - this morning, appa told me, Shraddha(which is what he calls me) it is God's way of testing our faith. We remained calm and collected and called out to Him. The thieves have gone with the money and the jewels, but our faith was unshaken, because, our lives were not taken". For the spiritual person, the worse also is the work of God.
Thanks for your comment,
Julia
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Kaps,
The senior citizens may have a better lot there, but they are more lonely than they are here. Eastern cultures have had a "joint" family concept more than the " born-out-of-industrial-need" family culture. Here as you know, the Metros are facing the same problem of lonely seniors, wealthy, and no-one to care for them. So, there is a missing factor in all cultures and we need to think laterally now, and come up with blink solutions.
Julia
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Anjala,
Thanks for your concern. Yes, Amma Appa are coming to terms with it now. You have stated a very important point - the poor are targeting the rich. In this particular case, I would imagine that to a certain extent it may be true. Amma appa are very riligious people and live a very frugal life, but of course, they are not poor. In the meantime, those who work even as househelp are wanting and it is their practice to give in whatever way they can, but the poor feel the difference, much more today where the growing difference between the rich and the poor are growing wider than the width of the earth. Couple with that, senior citizens as research will show, is a growing rich community. But, whatever it is most opf them are sick and have huge medical expenses. Who is to see that. The old will continue to be targetted, unless we come up with a proactive answer to the need of the moment.
Thanks for your comment,
Julia
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Hi Kiran,
Vulnerable people, the children, the aged, the sick and ailing are always targetted. Is this not a shame? What is worse, there is no rapid work being done to salvage the situation by the government. Our longivity is increasing. Is it not a concern, that as we live longer our lives will get more and more unsafe?
Thanks for your comment,
Julia
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Julia, that is horrible thing to happen for any one and if it is for the old people much more traumatizing.
No one is safe it seems. It has nothing to do with globalization.
It is the greed for the easy money that makes these criminals.
Hope the couple recover soon.
Indu
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Julia,
but it is much safer here, for the elderly (except for pathetic health insurance)! The youth becos of sheer population i guess....is callous.
Thought-provoking...
They say Amrika is 'no country for old men'
Happy to know your parents have little needs n r independent! Me parents are similar...
Tough questions.....with no good/definitive answers.
Kaps
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Hi Julia,
Its honestly gruesome.....am so sorry to hear about it. But, this has become a common problem esp in big metros. Can' t imagine it to happen in a small place like Hoshanabad.!
My take on this is ........we have to look after them definitely , but, is it possible to stay home 24*7 and kp an eye ?? No. Then , don' t you think it is better to put them in a safer place ...say a GOOD old age home and look after their requirements ? Bring them over during the wkends or the holidays......at least they will be physically safe !
I was attached to an old age home in Kolkata ...an aided one. The ' mashimas' ( the old ladies ) ....I found were living so happily....they were taken out for outings , were allowed to go home during breaks....enjoyed each others' company and could connect...
Yes, the ladies who were carelessly dumped and deserted did look upset and depressed ! So, a careful arrangement has to be made...DEFINITELY with their consent .
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Things are going from bad to worse, Julia. The moral fibre of Indian society seems to be eroding faster and faster. Partly, I think the blame lies with rampant consumerism and flaunting of riches. The have-nots want the goodies and easy money. The seniors, who are most vulnerable are being targetted with increasing frequency. I am really sorry to hear about Amma Appa. Hope they are able to recover from this trauma - more than the money loss, it is the insecure feeling that is difficult to shake off.
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Julia : Good points, the seniors are vulnerable to physical attacks as well other scams, these days people try to con them into giving away their life savings.
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You bet Geek
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