On Saturday, 17th April, at 2.30 in the afternoon, two miscreants knocked at the door. The elderly couple, one aged 83 years and the other, 75, unwittingly open the door. In Hoshangabad, Madhya Pradesh, where this incident took place, it is hot. Everyone has their doors and windows closed at that hour to keep away the heat.
The miscreants force themselves inside and at the point of knives, looted the couple of their ornaments and cash and then fled, all within 15 minutes.
The aged couple are my partner’s parents. They have been living in Hoshangabad, close to their son, for the last ten years. On Saturday, when the incident happened, Murli, their son, with his wife and two children, were in Jaipur on a Summer Holiday with their children who have come home from Rishi Valley.
When the incident was happening, Amma, Appa, fluctuated between, calling out for help at one time and submitting to the goons on the other. As a natural reflex, they cried out “Gurudev, Gurudev” when no one appeared. They were left unharmed physically, but mentally, the trauma and the shock thereof is only setting in. Amma is unable to get out of bed for long periods of time, Appa however is stronger. Two of their children, their elder daughter and their son are now with them.
But, is it the end of the hell or the beginning of tough thinking to do?
In a fast, globalized India, where we are constantly on the run, can we faithfully hold on to old family values of keeping our parents with us or close to us, in order that we may be able to look after their needs? And in order that they can feel happy being close to their children in the twilight years of their lives. Case after case is coming forth where it indicates otherwise. Senior citizens are not safe, even when they are close to their children, living with them, or close to them. They are helpless to protect themselves in the event of any mishap. Many of them, have poor eye sight, and are ill, suffering from one chronic disorder or the other. They are physically weak and emotionally dependent on their children. Many of them even financially dependent.
At cultural crossroads, Indians are faced with many dilemmas and have to make many shifts in the way they have been thinking. The old is giving way to the new or otherwise, we are being forced to think differently.
My Amma, Appa, are happy to sit by the Narmada, doing their japam and leading a life of sincere spiruitual pursuits. But, the serenity is not so calm any more. Nor will it ever be. Traumas of this nature do not leave our psyche so easily, especially if we are in the vulnerable age, either, too young or are senior citizens.
What is the answer? Is Home for Senior Citizens the safest place to be or put our parents in? Or do we have to rethink our lives to accommodate the old age needs of our parents, just like perhaps our mothers did, when we were young, put away a career, to be at home to look after us? Is there a way, which marries, western solutions for senior citizens with Indian values? If so what can it be?
How can we make the lives of the aged in India, safe for the rest of their living days?
Dear Anjala, Gopalkrishnan, YoungGistan, Rama Rao Garimella, Aditi Ray, Ranjini Sharma and Sue Menon, here is the link to the published article in Dignity Dialogue a magazine for Senior Citizens in India: http://www.dignityfoundation.com/dialogue.php in which your valued comments have been published. Please go through this link to the pdf file to read your comment contributions. Thanks you so much for your valuable participation.
Link to the pdf file:
http://mail.google.com/mail/?ui=1&realattid=f_fhed20yb&attid=0.1&disp=vah&view=att&th=11a80828ad1a4784
Should any of you want the pdf file, do send me an email at: xebecbooks@gmail.com
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a touching story. this is the story of every elderly person in our country today. you've brought out the points very well. congratulations!
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Mrs Muffet,
I take this oppurtunity to present, what I have just received -
A recently held conference in Pune focused on the status of aging women in Indian families, and the impact of growing life expectancy as well as concerns from the perspective of medical care, living situations, social dynamics and financial issues.
While India revels in the youth dividend, between 1991 and 2021, the number of people aged over 60 is expected to almost double. Since the Nineties, the life expectancy of women in India has also increased relative to men, and India has more women than men in the older age groups.
To address the issues that will affect the welfare of this increasing cohort of elderly women, the Dadi Nani Foundation Charitable Trust Foundation convened an All-India Symposium on “Grandmothers: Role and Status in Indian Families and Society” at the Yeshwantrao Chavan Academy of Development Administration (YASHADA) in Pune, India. Over fifty distinguished attendees and several prominent panelists discussed these issues over a period of three days from April 4th to 6th, 2008.
“In today’s world, as the younger generation moves away from the traditional joint family structure to a urban, nuclear family, the long-established role of a grandmother is changing”, said A. C. Mathur, Managing Trustee of the Dadi Nani Foundation. “We need to identify the impact of these changes on this growing and fragile segment of the population, and begin to come up with solutions that will make the transition easier in the future. We hope this symposium is the first step in making this happen.”
The conference discussed several areas affecting this aging demographic and identified solutions that need to be implemented:
In conclusion, P. C. Mathur, the symposium coordinator, said, “It is clear that the study of Indian grandmothers requires a broadband of academic cross-fertilization.”
The proceedings of the conference will be published and available on the Foundation’s website, www.dadinani.org.
Ref:
http://www.thesouthasian.org/archives/2008/conference_on_status_of_aging.html
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Hi Julia ,
Kudos to mashi and her friend :)))
I guess, the children need some counselling...better still if they can be taken to an old age home and exposed to the in-mates ; they might change their view points .....!
I learnt so much after I started visiting that centre...Hope things move correctly for amma/ appa
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Yash,
True, we need to think differently to arrive at solutions that are acceptable to our society.Thanks,
Julia
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Avinash,
I have just returned from your blog. Both, Chidambaram and Manmohan Sigh, are in many ways responsible. MM Singh, from his humble background, is more a World bank man, and Chidambaram, has never known poverty. Our rich are growing richer. Have you seen, the healthy, intellectual, revolutionary, middleclass is gone! Just like that. And just like that there is the rich, the super rich and the abject poor. Thus, crime will be a result. Thanks for your comment,
Julia
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Reffy,
You reflect my thoughts. Exactly the same as yours, I have been saying in other posts as well on Senior Citizens, that we need to design different townships and housing conolies, which make place for our parent to live in, close to their family but away in the 24x7x365 safety of trained professional Helpers. And that these homes must be in the group housing complex or townships so that the elderly dont feel "put away" and can visit whenever they want.
Thanks for your comment,
Julia
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work pressures and demanding jobs are leading to cultural change.....
and Its quite difficult to accept it in our culture, but yeah we do need modified form of old age homes where they can live safely an we must ensure they don't feel hurt or aloof living there... its a tough decision but this generation has to think it in this way.......
Modified old age homes where kins acn visit regularly...... would be a great idea.
yashasvi
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Julia,
We read about this daily in the newspaper and see it on telly. But you wrote this up as personally as possible and broght the horror home.
One of the major things leading to increase in such incidents in the disparity in the income of the people and the daily impinging on the minds of youngsters about the jazzy things and lifestyle. When economic rift grows, these incidents grow too. The ground level thing to happen to limit these is the trickle down effect of the booming economy. That is always slow and will take years to happen. meanwhile this government has mismanaged almost everything inspite of people such as monmohan singh and chidambaram at helm. If the economy nopw goes down by a good margin, whatever trickles there are will dry up and you can see even more such incidents.
Everytime I and my wife go out of the city, our minds stay behind with my mother and our children.
Avinash
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Julia
Again you make one think...a commune living where the elderly have their privacy and are safe.. for me would be the ideal situation or if we can make modifications in the old age homes where they dont seem like institutions that would also be a good option.
If one can live with one's paents there is no substitute to that however.. But i would like to be more practical as life style changes are not reversible so easily..
reffy
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Mrs Muffet,
My Mashi too lived until almost her last days in The Raheja Home For Senior Citizens in Vashi, Navi Mumbai. We had both thought it the most practical solution, after we had had many discussions on the subject and dialogued with family in Kolkata. I was hectically busy as always and often out of town. The maids create their own hungama after a while and senior citizens can be difficult at times, like naughty children. Hence, for her safety, she decided to move to a Home. There she met a man of 82 and had a fiery love as if she was sixteen. It used to be a joy to see those two sit at McDonald's sharing a burger between them and whenever I was at home on weekends they came home and stayed the night, two dolls, demanding different things to eat etc. It was quite fun really.
In amma appas case, I don't know if they can think of it, although they are beginning to, but the children are not so progressive. Alas!
Julia
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