On Saturday, 17th April, at 2.30 in the afternoon, two miscreants knocked at the door. The elderly couple, one aged 83 years and the other, 75, unwittingly open the door. In Hoshangabad, Madhya Pradesh, where this incident took place, it is hot. Everyone has their doors and windows closed at that hour to keep away the heat.
The miscreants force themselves inside and at the point of knives, looted the couple of their ornaments and cash and then fled, all within 15 minutes.
The aged couple are my partner’s parents. They have been living in Hoshangabad, close to their son, for the last ten years. On Saturday, when the incident happened, Murli, their son, with his wife and two children, were in Jaipur on a Summer Holiday with their children who have come home from Rishi Valley.
When the incident was happening, Amma, Appa, fluctuated between, calling out for help at one time and submitting to the goons on the other. As a natural reflex, they cried out “Gurudev, Gurudev” when no one appeared. They were left unharmed physically, but mentally, the trauma and the shock thereof is only setting in. Amma is unable to get out of bed for long periods of time, Appa however is stronger. Two of their children, their elder daughter and their son are now with them.
But, is it the end of the hell or the beginning of tough thinking to do?
In a fast, globalized India, where we are constantly on the run, can we faithfully hold on to old family values of keeping our parents with us or close to us, in order that we may be able to look after their needs? And in order that they can feel happy being close to their children in the twilight years of their lives. Case after case is coming forth where it indicates otherwise. Senior citizens are not safe, even when they are close to their children, living with them, or close to them. They are helpless to protect themselves in the event of any mishap. Many of them, have poor eye sight, and are ill, suffering from one chronic disorder or the other. They are physically weak and emotionally dependent on their children. Many of them even financially dependent.
At cultural crossroads, Indians are faced with many dilemmas and have to make many shifts in the way they have been thinking. The old is giving way to the new or otherwise, we are being forced to think differently.
My Amma, Appa, are happy to sit by the Narmada, doing their japam and leading a life of sincere spiruitual pursuits. But, the serenity is not so calm any more. Nor will it ever be. Traumas of this nature do not leave our psyche so easily, especially if we are in the vulnerable age, either, too young or are senior citizens.
What is the answer? Is Home for Senior Citizens the safest place to be or put our parents in? Or do we have to rethink our lives to accommodate the old age needs of our parents, just like perhaps our mothers did, when we were young, put away a career, to be at home to look after us? Is there a way, which marries, western solutions for senior citizens with Indian values? If so what can it be?
How can we make the lives of the aged in India, safe for the rest of their living days?
Dear Anjala, Gopalkrishnan, YoungGistan, Rama Rao Garimella, Aditi Ray, Ranjini Sharma and Sue Menon, here is the link to the published article in Dignity Dialogue a magazine for Senior Citizens in India: http://www.dignityfoundation.com/dialogue.php in which your valued comments have been published. Please go through this link to the pdf file to read your comment contributions. Thanks you so much for your valuable participation.
Link to the pdf file:
http://mail.google.com/mail/?ui=1&realattid=f_fhed20yb&attid=0.1&disp=vah&view=att&th=11a80828ad1a4784
Should any of you want the pdf file, do send me an email at: xebecbooks@gmail.com
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Tanushri,
You are absolutely right, we are in a all young culture and appreciate that. In fact, most senior citizens are looked upon as baggage because they are not "productive" any more. Its so sick, the way our ideas take shape, aping other cultures which are afraid of getting old, because they believe there is only one life to live. We as Indians need to think differently. We are different, are we not? Thanks for your comment. Thanks too, KVA Kutty.
Julia
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Rajee,
A very useful comment indeed! The government can advocate COMMUNITY HOUSING COMPLEXES instead of GROUP HOUSING SOCIETIES OR independent PLOTS - Absolutely! We need more Government participation in this. Thanks for your comment,
Julia
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Hi Sukan,
Absolutely agree with your views. Thanks for your comment.
Julia
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My dear Julia Dutta garu,
U have raised very pertinent questions. Unfortunately all questions do not have the correct answers. Some do not have an answer at all. One Telugu poet asked "Where is the amswer to this question?"
There has to be a change in the mind set of people. All children who put their parents in old age homes are equated with villains and heartless people. This is not an absolute truth and depends upon the circumstances of each case. If the children have working partners asking them to sacrifice their careers for the sake of parents is grossly unfair. Work apart from monetary benefits gives a lot of satisfaction. Why should that be sacrificed?
Now linking the western concepts with Indian thinking is a good idea. First the accomodation where the old people were staying could have been made more secure by modern gadgets. The door could have been provided with a chain. In that case the miscreants couldn't possibly have gained access to the flat. The door should have a peep eye and looking through the peep eye the old people wouldn't have opened the door and invited the trouble. The door can also be provided with an intercom system which is now available in the market. This would have given the chance to talk to the intruders and ascertain their identity before opening the door. House security systems as used in western countries could have been installed. The moment the intruders break into, the alarm bells ring and alert the neighbours, the security agency and the police. We could adopt these modern systems. The complex of flats should have tighter security to keep unwanted people at bay. Intercoms are nowadays common. When someone wants to visit the security guard at the gate connects the visitor with the people in the flat by the intercom and lets the visitors in only after getting a clearence. Closed circuit TVs are no longer very expensive. in short we can marry the western technology with the Indian values and ensure safety for the old people.This needs a little forethought and expenditure but it is worthwhile.
These r a few of the thoughts that u may ponder over.
Ramarao.
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hey Julia , long time no see ..how have you been , my friend !!
yes it is sad ..but comparatively India is a much safer nation I feel ....as compared to ... say ... the US .. take care jaijui ..
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Jules,
Its scary. Maybe to avert any such mishappenings in future - when older folks stay home alone - some authorities can be notified - and they can make routine checks to see if all's good.
I know. I sound lame. People cant keep a watch 24x7..
Horrible.
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Hi Julia,
Tough call that one. Everyone loves their parents. Sometimes it's just not possible to live all together for what ever reasons. I think Old Age Homes are the only solutions. I'm mentally prepared to live in one eventually.
Edwin Fernandes
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Such incidents normally end brutally. I think that the old couple were very lucky indeed.
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After all the they are their parents ... the children have to take care of themselves. this is what our values taught us . Llet us not abandon all of them in the name of modernity. The difficulties of old age will be known only when we get old. By that time it is too late. But one thing i have seen in many families is some good samaritan wopuld emerge to take care of such people . I consdier them the emissaries of God......... Life goes on when som e one takes cae or or not.. God knows how to protect His children.Dontworry for them. Let us plan for our old age. Let us see how our loved children treat us.
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There was a time when old people were revered and people sought their blessings and advise...today, the youngsters shun elderly and dismiss them as senile....I dread getting to that stage of life...thanks to the changed mindset.
Your post brings to mind the stark reality...thank you for bringing up such a relevant topic...
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