Hi Aditi,
Wonderful to see you again. I believe that yes, what you say is correct. They ought to have been more careful, when there is a door eye they ought to look through it. But as you say, chor palaley buddhi baare - I hope it has been a lesson for everyone in the family. 
Julia

Hi Julia,

It is not safe, anywhere, in these days of greed, decadence,  and erosion of moral values. Unfortunately the trusting elderly are the most  vulnerable. Incidents like this could have been avoided if prelimiary precautions like seeing first through the door eye, and crack opening the door with a door chain etc were taken. But then in Bengali there is a saying that 'chor palaley buddhi baare'.. everybody gets wise only after the thief has fled with the booty... 

On making the aged feel safe, I think even if they live with the younger members of the family, it is extremely unlikely that somebody or the other will always be around, so much of this safety will need initiative of the elderly themselves. They should learn to be not so trusting...

Personally, I do not endorse the idea of "sending" the elderly to old age homes on the specious argument that they would be better off and safer among their own age people... I just do not buy it, it is the selfish and self centred children who sell this idea to their parents and to the world.. money does not compensate for love and tolerance... .. ... the elderly, except the fiercely independent ones,  are happiest to be among their own, though they might not say so openly in all cases for fear of rejection . 

It is only when the elderly themselves 'choose' to do so,  as the fiercely independent ones might do, that I accept the idea of the elderly living in an old age home. 

Aditi

Sue Menon,
It is indeed a privilege to have you read and comment on my posts. Thanks you for your suggestions. I agree that we need to become more cautious and caring, even as our lives are taking over us, as we swing from place to place and return home at wee hours of the night, after really long days of work. Yes, India is in transition, but with a currupt government, I will be most surprised if they wake up to alarming calls from seniors in India and many NGOs (www.dignityfoundation.org) who are fighting tooth and nail for a productive and cared for, after 60, life, in India. many thanks for your comment,
Julia 

Ranjini,
Well as I was telling Vish, m amma now wakes up every night at 1.30am and cannot sleep because she feels that these goons are coming to rape her!! When things were happening, she was very calm, but the trauma always sets in after the happening. I wish we had better systems in India. What I am looking at is something that mixes our values with western capabilities. Thanks for your comment,
Julia

Hi Priya,
Yes, I agree our values are different and we too are right in our own way. It is a major problem I must say, with no easy solutions. Thanks for your comment
Julia

Vish,
You bet! The senior citizens gfear is not unfounded. And once that sets in, it takes a lot of time to ease out. My amma now wakes up every night at 1.30am and cannot sleep because she feels that these goons are coming to rape her!! Imagine at this age to go through such trauma. And trauma is trauma - it can take shape in any way. We all need to wake up as you say to the problem of the aging.Thanks for commenting.
Julia

Hello Julia,

It was a privilege to read yet another meaningful blog from you. Sorry to hear about the robbery at your parent's home.  Let's be thankful that there was no physical trauma. 

Regarding the question you posed, there is never a right answer as a lot will depend on individual situation. Now that most young married couple are opting  for nuclear families rather than  joint family situation and husband and wife both have careers outside home, more and more of our aging population end up having to fend for themselves. In fact many of them prefer it and even insist on living independantly. This situation is nothing new in the west, but they have a better government legislated support system in place. With globalization, our value systems are also undergoing changes as our lifestyle bocomes more westernized. During the transition period I think it is very important that children be very involved in the lives of their aging parents who are living on their own. This can be done through frequent phone calls, visits, financial assistance, ongoing  help with shopping, home maintanance, payment of bills, health check ups, etc etc.  to make sure that they are safe and comfortable, healthy and happy. Above all, whether we are living on the next street or thousands of miles away, we need to make our elderly feel loved and wanted. 

Sue    

Hello Julia,

Hope your parents have been recovering from the trauma.
For those living outside India with elderly parents living in India alone, the worry is there every day!  Our parents cannot and do not want to live with children and burden anyone. The idea of living in a senior home is not appealing to them at all. So having a cook / live in nurse is the only option left. Parents do not like having someone hovering over them daily, but they will get used to it and others will have peace of mind as well.
Senior Homes in America are wonderful and that's where I'll be when I am old and wrinkled, but these types of facilities need a well-oiled system behind them. There are many many laws in place to protect elderly who reside in such homes.  I have not seen that type of safety net in facilities in India yet.  A lot can be copied from the west for our own parents in the east to live out their lives in peace.
Ranjini

Hmmm... a rather good question with no simple solutions.  We, the younger generation have chosen a lifestyle which keep us happy only if we are working, making enough so we can drive a certain car, wear a certain brand, and think of "me", "I" before anyone else, including our parents. I see the change in me, and stories like this force us to look at the bigger picture, and think of life deeper than what we have, or rather I have..
Good question, but a solution that needs descipline, re-priorotization, and perhaps an altogether a new meaning to what we (I) want in life.
Priya

Julia,
Ten years back  my parents  in their seventies/eighties lived by themslves in Pune and my  mother was so trrified when the student who lived with them was away for the night that she used to literally barricade doors in the night.I always attributed it to irrational fears and often times told my mom that she should just give away everything if someone indeed did come.I never did take that fear seriously, but after my dads paasing away I have often felt guilty about not being sensitive to their fears, mercifully nothing untoward ever happened to them.
I am now convinced that  fear of physical insecurity takes a heavy toll of most old people who live by themselves.The state unfortunately has failed in its role of looking after our old.Civil society really needs to build pressure on the state and also be more sensitive to senior citizens in twilight years.
Thanks for highlighting the issues
vish