Julia  Dutta,

Yes - we are in agreement . Either it is "Dutta/Datta" clan effect or Sylhet link.

God bless.

Ratan Datta

Mr Datta,
Thank you for this comment. It reveals clearly what is the meaning of choice. I agree in toto with you. My only concern is that force should not be used, this way or that and in that we are in agreement.
Julia

Julia Dutta,

I believe  a person must be left to doing things what comes from within.  Like I followed the traditional way of "Habishshi" when I lost my parents.The only thing I did  was drink two mugs of tea in the morning and smoke. I was told  -it is not relevant. 
For me it was important - so I slept on the floor on a mat, I did not use stitched clothes, I did not use soap,shampoo or oil. I washed my unbleached Dhoti and unbleached "Anga bastra" myself. I ate once- rice and boiled veg.cooked together with ghee and rock salt.,walked bare feet . I did all that as duty.I did not use any logic to see it right or wrong.

Like your Meshomashai - my views are my wife need not change her way  of life that included food if I go first. My sister - did not change her food  after my Jamai Babu died. My Mamima  of the same age goup of my Chhordi - is strict  vegetarian.She does it and claims that it came from within. I believe one must not be made to do things to please any one.
But has the Bengali Society evolved enough  to stop the indignity which is meted out to widows ?  No - then what is going on  will not happen.

Regards. God bless

Ratan Datta

Simpletruth,
xebecbooks is a name I chose from Xebec which is an Ad agency owned by my niece's mother in Pune/Mumbai/Bangalore. The child you see on the left of the page is her daughter and my niece. Xebec in the name od a Greek Ship if you look up on google search. So xebecbooks is the books division of the Ad agency which will be Ananya's when she grows up. She is only two years now and I am creating the legacy of words for her here! 
Julia

Mr Datta,
Thanks for that addition of kismis. I too will use it. But then I think the coconut can be done away with if kismis is put. 
Agreed that the sitaution in Vridavan and Kasi is bad but we have to concentrate on our own homes. I remember my Mesho telling my mashi and me that after his passing away, she should not do anything like giving up meat etc. It is nonsense! In fact, when he finally passed away, on the twelfth day, she tried to follow the system. I put my foot down strongly and reminded her of his words and also, put psychological presssure that I too would give up and then, we managed to dissuade her. It is abnormal that women are expected or put it on themselves to do this in this age and time and also when they come from forward, educated families as most of Bengalis are today. 
I too love Mochar ghonto, thor and shukto and the last has so many ways to do it. Thanks with your inputs,
Julia

Maddss,
Thanks for reading. Nice of you to read despite your hectic schedule.

Buns,
Many important issues covered. Pishi is paternal aunt. It is true that women still feel deprived of their individual indentities at the loss of their husbands and this is not the old times...yet! It is really sad. 
Many of the roles attibuted to women only like " motherhood" and nurturer are in my understanding societal. Let me explain - to be able to concieve and give birth does not make for motherhood. To have nurtured and brought up a child does. Hence, motherhood must be divided to two parts - a woman gives birth, second, nurtures and hence participates as a mother. Nurturing is a human need. Men too nurture, their children, their organisations, their jobs, their gardens, their cars etc, etc. If they have been taken off all other nurturing jobs which have then been thrust on women, it is a problem of the system. I know some men who are better mothers and excellent cooks. 
Bengalis use coconut vert little in cooking. It is usually in sweets. Okay, this is not an evolved by Julia recipe. But in my own cooking I am evolved and garlic and onions which are a definite no-no in my mothers house, or used only minimally in meat dishes like one clove and half an onion in a kg of mutton, has found use in my dishes. as far as the Parsi dish dhansaag which I wrote about earlier, I used Devashish's mothers quantity. 
Julia

Julia Dutta,

Widows in India by and large  had similar fate. Restrictions were proabably little more.Most observed them with devotion. Restrictions  did not bother me as much  as the contempt they were  subjected to usually.

I have serious objection towards the life of widows dumped in  Brindaban (Vrindaban) and Benaras (Varanasi)..We talk a lot - but this continues

I have not  seen too many blogs written on this subject.  I appreciate your initiative.

We call it "Peper Ghanto", a few "kismis"  may add to the taste. Though not available in Nashik regularly, my wife makes this whenever we get "Pepe" - raw Papaya. My daughter who is vegetarian by choice.She loves it - along with delicacies like " Mochar  Ghanto" ,  "Thor " and "Sukto"

Regards.God bless.

Ratan Datta

Hiya Julia,
How do I start.....the bangla verse left my eyes stinging! You truly know to bring out the pathos in widowhood. I could see my great grand-mum in your Pishima. Doesn't Pishi mean paternal aunt?
It is so sad that even today...the fate of the women of rural india is tied to her man's dhoti? She is so lost if something happens to her partner. Every relationship & its meaning changes with this one tragedy. The hand that blessed suddenly starts carressing. And what does one say about the women folk? It is said that women are born nurturers....I doubt it! The meaness they show....in silent tortures like the one you mentioned about abstinence from certain foods due to its tamas properties! I suddenly feel so despondent!!!
Hey....didnt know that bengali's use coconut in their food. This is news to me. But I have seen you introduce certain non-bengali ingrediants in some earlier recipe too. Is this one too one of those "evolved" recipes? 
Bunty.

Your blog had twin objectives, firstly to speak for the taste buds of Widows,secondly , propogating an unusual chechki.

Liked both.

Regards

Welcome Aditi,
Thanks for sharing that story of your mother-in-law. It is common really to see these things still. And really it is heart breaking to eat in the same house when we know that just a few days ago she used to eat with us. Most Bengalis can't live without fish and even if they have given up for sometime, they go back. But, a Widow? Never again. So sad really. Thanks for your visit.
Julia